Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
