remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
