Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
