Princesses don't give blow jobs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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