my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Watching her eat just hurts me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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