I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
