I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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