I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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