Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
