she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
