I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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