at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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