is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
