i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
