he puts the penis in happiness.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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