I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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