Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
