Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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