hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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