I must be too annoying 4 u.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
