You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When are your genitals available?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
