I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
