I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
