farters have to be the big spoon...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
