Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
