new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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