can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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