Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
