One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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