Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
