pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
