Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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