Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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