I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
