You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
