I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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