I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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