I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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