I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
