I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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