i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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