but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
