My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
