Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Watching her eat just hurts me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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