I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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