onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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