I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
