Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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