Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
