guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
