How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
