okay pat passed out under dana's car
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Randomize
