thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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