My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
