yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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