MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
